throwing my phone against the wall

a conversation on consumerism & virality

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I am so sick of my phone. The constant scrolling - cycling through apps like I’m stuck at a round about. Every time I unlock my phone, I am being force-fed information on a cold metal spoon. Read this, watch that, buy this, but not that.

This is what my mind sounds like every time I pick up my phone.

The little piece of metal and glass has developed into something far greater than a communication device. It is a portal to an alternate universe. A world in which I can peer into glowing windows to catch glimpses of the lives of people across the world.

TikTok will tell me of the latest current events before my local news reporter does. My next door neighbor with phone in hand, can run through the daily highlights better than the 5 o’clock broadcast. Individuals on the front lines of protests can show us the harsh reality of the world in less than 15 seconds.

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information influx

But, this influx of information is a double edged sword.

The gleam of our camera casts a light on the shadows of the world, acting as a beacon to give voice to those constantly ignored and misrepresented. But the chasm between social classes only grows further making it virtually impossible to climb out.

Trends come and go like the ebb and flow of the tides. Every day there is a new product promising to change my life, a new diet promising to make me Bella Hadid skinny, a new makeup product promising it’s unlike the rest.

Information is always at my fingertips. The constant consumption is giving me digital reflux.

My cart is always full, my mind is always overflowing, and yet I feel so empty.

I can’t live up to the life of my digital dreams.

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you’re so coquette core, thought daughter, pinterest girlie

What I consume has become a symbol of status. Trends now defining who I am, if even by coincidence.

She is a “thought daughter” because she reads Dostoevsky and Nietzsche alone at a coffee shop. But really, philosophy was my major.

She is an “it girl” because she wears rhode blush and low rise jeans. Admittedly, I am writing this while waiting for my pocket blushes to arrive.

She is so “coquette core” because she wears ribbon in her hair, Dior blush, and has a pink emijay brush. But she is an “og coquette girlie” because she listens to Lana Del Rey and drinks Diet Coke.

Place the word girl after any random fruit and suddenly you have a new trend. Strawberry girl makeup, latte girl, cherry girl, cool girl. I am JUST a girl.

What would happen if we were stripped of our phones? Our canvas of creativity: the tiny little grids we use to leave a lasting impression and express our “individuality”. My phone has become an extension of me. Always in hand as if I was born with it attached to my finger tips. Who am I if I can’t be perceived?

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editing my conversations

I find it embarrassing to start off conversations with “I saw this TikTok”. I catch my self editing before speaking, “I read this article that said… I saw this video…”. As if all credibility is lost, as soon as TikTok is involved.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a lot from the doctors and self proclaimed wellness gurus that exist on the grid. But whatever happened to self research? I can’t even buy a product without digging through TikTok because it’s so much easier to listen than to read a long form review.

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only in tiktok land

I saw this video (TikTok) of a girl that went out for errands in the classic “boxer brief chic” fit: printed boxer briefs, a graphic tee with cherries, Adidas sambas, and gold jewelry. While this is all the rage in TikTok Land, she lives in small town that has not yet lost themselves to consumerism. She was met with weird looks and several even asked if she had forgotten to change out of her pjs. It made me think about how we must look like a fish out of water to those that haven’t yet tuned their feeds.

We fill our carts with tinted lip balms and white eyelet tops just because they flood our timelines, but forget that our “for you” page is exactly that. For me, for you. Tuned around on the content we consume.

We may have seen the same outfit on countless girls in the span of 2 minutes, but if we were to take a step outside of TikTok Land we may not find a single “coastal cowgirl”. Or worse, almost every single girl we come across would be wearing some version of the same outfit (cue video of country concert with every girl wearing a white maxi, cowboy boots, and a denim top).

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the illusion of individuality

We scream we want to be individuals and yet, we have all morphed into each other. A herd of sheep subscribing to the same trends making it difficult to tell one from the other.

Instagram face plagues the world making it harder and harder to look in the mirror without finding something to hate and something to change. After countless procedures and syringes of filler, everyone starts to look the same.

I grew up in the era of Tumblr, amassing thousands of followers for a reason still unbeknownst to me. I spend hours on Pinterest, making boards that fit every life I dream of. I can’t go to a coffee shop without capturing the latte art and case of pastries. I can’t rest on a family vacation until my brother takes THE picture. Only later to spend hours, days, and weeks planning out my Instagram feed because I have created a reputation of being “aesthetic”.

Who am I if I can’t be perceived. Where am I if I can not project my reality for you to consume in little bite sized pieces?

I am repulsed by the grating noise of TikTok as we all sit in the same room silently scrolling on our devices. I hate filling up my cart each week with things I want, but can’t have.* I am sick of the trends. I am sick of the grid. I am sick of constantly consuming.

I am throwing my phone against the wall.

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the confession of girl in her over-consumerism era

*I do in fact have a section titled carts&closets in my Sunday Newletter making me the biggest hypocrite ever… and I do in fact love saying I am in my (fill with whatever) era.

Thank you for reading. If you also feel like throwing your phone against the wall, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

-s.b.