rose of no man's land

the transition into womanhood as experienced through perfume

I reached for a pink glass bottle in the shape of a grenade (Viktor & Rolf's Flowerbomb). I sprayed my pulse points in a ritualistic fashion, only to realize I had suddenly grown to hate the perfume I adored. 

While this may not seem like a significant moment in one's life for me, it felt like a stark transition into womanhood. It happened so suddenly and without any warning. How could the perfume I wore religiously for years, suddenly leave me feeling like a child sick from over-indulging in sweets?

I remember rolling my eyes whenever my mom complained that my perfume was sickeningly sweet but there I was, fighting a headache because of the  gourmand rush.

I wrote this piece to capture the experience of aging as told through my choice of perfume.

---

in the twilight of girlhood
I bathed in the sweetness of innocence
cotton candy dreams wrapped in a flower bomb embrace
a sugary explosion
dancing in the winds of youth

a gourmand mist 
filled with carefree laughter
and untainted dreams

but now, as days turn to dusk
those once-loved notes of rose and vanilla
now sickeningly sweet
hang heavy in the air
a reminder of a past cloaked in both joy and sorrow

scents, like whispers from time
transport me back
to laughter echoing in sunlit rooms
and tears shed in the shadows
of a world too complex for a young girl's heart

laying half empty in my dresser drawer a pink amber glass 
now a relic of memories too bittersweet
a scent tainted by the ghosts
of girlhood’s darkest lessons

now, I lean into complexity
finding solace in the layered depths
impossible to understand
a Rose of No Man’s Land

her petals soft, thorns strong
drawing the blood of any man that dares come too close
a story of survival and rebirth
unfolding in a land once barren

a rose blooming 
a guarded heart
that has weathered many storms

where innocence meets experience
and simplicity gives way to nuance

an aphrodisiac mist clings to pulse points
like a siren's song, pulling with each beat of the heart
yet she remains elusive and alluring
a rose of no man's land

blooming fiercely
in between the wild untamed spaces
of my soul

the girl I was and, the woman I've become

---
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- s.